“Make pizza, not war. No matter how you slice it, that’s wise.”

“Pizza is circular. So is an hour. I’ll take two slices—to go.”

“You can smuggle anything into an event inside empty pizza boxes. Carrying pizza boxes transforms anyone into Moses. There can be a crowd of 20,000 people, and if you have a few pizza boxes, the crowd parts like the red sea. Hey, that guy’s got pizza. Let him pass. Make way for importance!”

“War is fought over futile and feudal things. War is not about ideology, no matter how artfully framed, but it’s simply about power and money and control.”

“Good thing my mother-in-law isn’t pizza shaped, because then I’d have to cut her up into eight slices and serve her to her family. As it is, I only need to cut her up into four pieces, and serve her to the pigs.”

“If love tasted like pork, and you were allergic to Francis Bacon, could I be your Shakespeare? We could make love on a pizza and make much ado about nothing, everything, anything, something.”

“It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a suit, you should still invite me swimming. That’s the naked truth.”