“Marriage is the dearth of sex as we know it.”

“Wrinkles don’t signify old age, they signify a lack of ironing skills or a dearth of hangers to hang clothes on.”

“No, lady, you didn’t have sex with me, you had sex with my clone. I’m sorry, but I don’t know you.”

“I had an arranged marriage. If I didn’t, how would anybody know when and where to show up?”

“I like sex. Let’s get a group together. You know, for a better discount.”

“Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by a speeding bicycle?”

“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”