“Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.”

“My wife loves me for me, and hates me for her.”

“I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn.”

“When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”

“My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.”

“When sex is Freon any occasion, it usually involves something dripping and toxic. At least that's what my mechanic tells me.”

“When I wear my wedding ring I think of her. I also think of my wife.”