“Men lie to get laid, women lie about orgasms, and hermaphrodites lie to themselves.
”

“Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth.”

“When the tax man cometh, lie about lying on your taxes.”

“Some women will spread a lie faster and wider than they’d spread their legs. These women are worse than whores. These women are politicians.”

“A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What kind of things are non-bricks? Well, anything from blankets to lies. So therefore, a lie could be used to detect a lie, and all this logic makes me want to grab a blanket and lie down—and that’s the truth. 
”

“Lie to me. Just to console my soul.”

“Everybody has a past—even if it lies in the future.”