“Most of the time, I feel like Phelps. At least when I’m not winning Olympic gold medals, which is an all the time thing for me.”

“I’m a four-time Pulitzer Prize winning admirer. I’m also a 16-time Olympic medalist observer (I saw Michael Phelps on TV).”

“I want to meddle with an Olympic medal made of silver metal. I want to alchemize it into gold, and use a mixture of science and mysticism to transform losing into winning.”

“Bricks, bricks, and bricks could be given away at the Olympics, instead of gold, silver, and bronze medals. If all a champion wants is to win, then I’ll take all that unnecessary gold and silver off the international community’s hands. 
”

“If you bake a cupcake, the world has one more cupcake. If you become a circus clown, the world has one more squirt of seltzer down someone's pants. But if you win an Olympic gold medal, the world will not have one more Olympic gold medalist. It will just have you instead of someone else.”

“Humility was a cult in my family. I only got it out of my father by accident when he was very old that he had won an Olympic gold medal.”