“Most people like winners, but I prefer underdogs. They’re more fun to pet.”

“You know what I like most about people? Pets.
”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.”

“In a depression, I’d imagine rich people try to dress like they’re poor, and poor people try to dress like they’re rich. As for me, I try to dress exactly like my clone would.”

“I’d rather go into a competition as the underdog. Less pressure to perform, and more motivation.”

“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
”

“It’s not fun to pet cats when you’ve already poured gravy on them, and you’re holding silverware.”