“Mustaches are not only fashion statements, but they’re useful for tickling vaginas.”

“The burden of proof weighs a lot, but it’s not as heavy as a certain 19th century German philosopher’s mustache. Trust me, I used to lift weights using that mustache like it was a dumbbell.”

“A wink and a smirk walk into a bar, and the bartender asked them what they were drinking, when all of the sudden a mustache in a cowboy hat riding a vagina runs through the door, and right there I have to stop the joke, because not only does it not have a punch line, but that punch line was kidnapped, and if it’s ever found, it will probably be rated Not Safe For Work. 
”

“My favorite snack is vagina. The only thing I hate is unwrapping all that saran wrap.”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”

“I grew a mustache, and I grew it in my garden. My mustache is organic, and will taste tasty on your mouth.”

“Mustaches are so cool that I not only have one—I have two. I wear both of mine above my eyes.”