“My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster.”

“Just because I flap my arms, that doesn’t make me a bird. No, I’m a bird because I believe myself to be. That’s the power of faith.”

“My skyscraper of a heart met an earthquake of a woman. Why can’t I meet a simple window washer? My love is a hundred stories tall—and I wrote every single one of those stories.”

“My advice is to just ignore the problem until you’re dead. This could be the quickest solution of your life.”

“Why watch reality TV when I can just open my blinds and look out my window to all the reality I can handle?”

“My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.”

“On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones.”