“My baby nephew is a real ladies man. He doesn't need to pick up women. They pick him up.”

“If you’re at the bar trying to pick up women, remember: bend at the knees.”

“My uncle just dropped in to see me, but his parachute didn't open up. So now we're waiting on the ambulance to come pick him up. (Hey, I would have drove him to the hospital, but gas prices are too high!)”

“I used to spend a lot of time in lap pools. Growing up I was on a few swim teams. In Florida all there is to do is surf, swim, golf, and try to pick up single women at the retirement home.”

“I picked up a new language a few months ago. It was just laying on the ground, dirty, so I scooped it up and popped it in my mouth.”

“And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.”

“Love will make a man do some funny things, like tightrope walking across a telephone wire, rather than simply picking up the phone to call or text.”