“My blanket is a year old. And amazingly, it still purrs just as loud today as it did when it was a kitten.”

“I want my last 50 years on this earth to be amazing. Of course, I still want to have 150 years before those last 50 years begin.”

“I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin and hair still attached, and amazingly my archaeological discovery actually talked to me saying, “Jarod, when are you going to stop mooching off your mother and me?”

“I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.”

“It’s amazing how my whole body can be covered up in bed except for one inch on my shoulders and I’ll be cold. But when I pull the blanket up all the way, all of one inch, miraculously I’m warm. One inch makes a difference, especially to a man with a two-inch penis.”

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and I’m just a kitten.”

“I built my marriage brick by brick. And I destroyed it blanket by blanket.
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