“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“I like to pet trees—especially if they have furry leaves.”

“I have so many pet peeves that I can’t even pet them all. And damn I wish they were furry.”

“Last week I placed a hand-written sign in front of my neighborhood that read, “Lost Mustache. Please do not feed. If found, contact Mouth,” and I left my phone number. Nobody’s called. Perhaps the neighborhood cat lady took it in and is petting it on her lap at this very moment. Ah, but that’s life, no?
”

“Apricots are like cute furry pets you can eat—legally.”

“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because you know who also doesn’t read? My cat. In essence, these people are pitiful, and no better than pets.”

“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.
”