“My coffee cup didn’t come with a sleeve, but that’s OK, because I’m wearing a tank top.”

“I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.”

“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.”

“I drink coffee like a civilized man—alone in a cave, wearing a loincloth, and grunting in frustration because my club is too thick to fit in my cup to stir in the sugar.”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but that’s OK, because sometimes it feels like I’m being followed by a black midget.”

“My cup is empty. I don’t think I’m wearing it in the right spot.”

“I tried to wear my shirt while it was still on the hanger. That’s just the kind of morning person I am with no coffee.”