“My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high from every transaction.”

“I want to invent a drug to help people get off drugs.”

“My new employer made me get a drug test, so I ripped off my shirt, flexed my muscles, and said, “You suspect me of taking steroids, don’t you?”

“I’ll piss in a cup for you. You can run a drug test on it, or you can drink it.”

“My love is like hooray! Special terms and conditions may apply. See dealer for details. Coupon not valid with any other offer.”

“I come bearing gifts in the form of junk food. You’re welcome. I would have brought some drugs, but I’m not a doctor.”

“Borrowing from Pythagoras, I’ve worked out the equation to a love triangle: A2 + B2 = C other people.”