“My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.”

“I buy black clothes, so I can hide behind my shadow.”

“On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.”

“I love like an albino. But I don’t want to get sunburned, so would you please pass the ketchup?”

“My shadow’s so substantial that it has its own shadow. It isn’t as tall, but that’s OK, because sometimes it feels like I’m being followed by a black midget.”

“Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.”

“Excuse me, madam, but may I rub my erection up against your buttocks, because I mistakenly took Viagra thinking it was Vitamin C?”