“My father went AWOL the day I got dishonorably discharged from his penis.
”

“When I saw her naked, my penis went from hash brown to French fry.
”

“On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.”

“Growing up, Renaldo and his father had a great relationship. At least until his father went and slept with someone else.”

“I belong, and my penis, it be long.”

“Maybe one day I’ll be a real boy. Maybe then my untruthful nose won’t be longer than my truthfully aroused penis.”

“The mobster came by my establishment and said I needed protection. “Nope,” I replied, “I’ve already got protection.” Then I showed him how I wear a rubber glove over my penis, with my shaft sliding perfectly in the pinky finger slot.”