“My favorite salad dressing is vodka. And my favorite ice cream flavor is coffee, though I prefer it melted and hot enough to burn flesh.”

“I want to grow a Loyalty Beard, to prove my commitment to my favorite shaving cream.”

“My love is a flower shaped like a snowflake. It won’t melt, so perhaps ice cream should be made out of it.”

“I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.”

“I’ll tug at your breasts like a thirsty child. Try not to burn your nipples in my hot coffee. While you’re at it, I also like sugar in my coffee.”

“I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction.”

“My favorite thing isn’t being the favorite to win—it’s being the underdog.”