“My first and last name is like a candy bar in your mouth that you can chew on as you say it.”

“His last name was Chew, and I didn’t care if he was Asian, I still screamed, “Not with your mouth open!”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”

“If I took a candy bar, ripped off the wrapper, ate the candy bar, and pinned the wrapper to the wall, is that art, performance art, both, or neither?”

“His name is Arnold. But you’re not on a first name basis with him, and that’s not his first name. So that’s Mr. Arnold to you. Once you get to know him, he may let you call him by his first name, which is Grafmiller. His middle name is his wife’s maiden name: Maiden. Their maid’s first name is Maiden, and her last name is America. Maiden America, though I think she was made in China.”

“I’d run 26.2 miles to eat a Marathon candy bar.”

“My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?”