“My friend isn’t big into cars. He’s only 4’4”.”

“He’s not my son, but his last name is Myson. Same spelling, big difference.”

“My penis isn’t big. It just appeared that way because the midget’s hands were so small.”

“I’m not a big car guy. I like compact cars.”

“He’s pale, bald, and bony. He looks like a skeleton. And that, my friend, is precisely why I keep him in my closet.”

“He’s like my best friend. And I say that only because I have no real friends, and Cap’n is a great listener (he never interrupts when I’m talking—and I’m always the one doing all the talking). The day he does respond to me will probably be the best day of my life, because it means my walls are finally padded.”

“A cop is closer to a garbage man than he is to a lawyer. The cop isn’t in the middle of the two—he’s on top, with the lawyer being well below the garbage man.”