“My gas tank is on empty, but my erection is on full. Still, it would be wise to stop the car before I pump.”

“I traded in my car with no gas in the tank and my new car came with a full tank. So I at least profited there. That makes me appreciate my depreciation more.”

“I wired my gas pedal to my stereo, so now when I crank up the volume the car accelerates.”

“I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my car, my car would be my home.”

“I bought an empty safe, and I keep it empty, because safety doesn’t exist, so my safes are full of their potential.”

“My wallet was empty after the charity auction. Of course, my wallet was empty before the auction too. I donated my time and money to strippers.”

“In exchange for my silence, I want a box of quiet. Empty—and full.
That’s also how I like my morning coffee at night.”