“My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it.”

“I like watching people stretch in the park. It's my new favorite pastime since I bought a portable rack.”

“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a knife. And cats are masters at getting into boxes, so here, try opening it with my portable meow maker.
”

“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”

“Books are portable companions. But so are midgets.”

“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.”

“I have half a mustache. It was a gift from my father, who bought one with a Buy One Mustache, Get One Half Off deal. So he kept the full mustache, and gave me the half stache. It looks more like an eyebrow than a mustache.”