“My grandma came over yesterday, and I had just jumped out of the shower, so I answered the door in my towel. I know it was a little indecent, but I didn’t have time to dry off and change out of my wetsuit.”

“Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave.”

“I would answer the door for the pizza delivery guy wearing my birthday suit, but it had cake all over it so I sent it to be dry cleaned.”

“After a shower, I like to let gravity and evaporation dry me off as I stretch out naked in the sun on my neighbor’s porch.”

“I’m here today because of my decisions yesterday. So I can change my tomorrow today, but I can’t change my today today. This makes the me of yesterday offensive to the me of today.”

“I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So it was just one napkin, and I wiped my mouth with it after I was done.”

“My printer printed off blank pages. Is my printer out of ink, or do I just have nothing to say?”