“My grandpa passed a few days ago. But I’m not sad. He was only driving 20 miles an hour, so I’m sure I’ll catch up to him.”

“I’m on the road, Butte is 58 miles away, and I’m driving 85 mph. So I should be there in an hour. Oh, if only love were so easy to calculate.”

“I’m 20 miles from 200 miles from nowhere.”

“If you expect others to think for you, then you expect others to live your life for you. And I’m sorry, but the only person I’ll let live my life for me is my clone. He thinks like me, so I’m OK with him thinking for me.”

“I’m feeling a little under the weather. But once I open my umbrella, I’m sure I’ll begin to feel better.”

“One thing my grandpa taught me was never fall asleep while swimming. Or, rather, I’m sure he would have taught me that if he had the chance. (He drowned when he was a little boy.)”

“I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.”