“My job is so boring I’m thinking of boring a second hole into my penis.”

“John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machine it was! In fact, it’s so boring that I think I’ll go to sleep now.”

“God gave man two ears and one penis hole for a reason. I’m not sure what that reason is, but I’m sure it’s a good one.”

“I need your compliments to feed my ego, because it’s bored of mac and cheese. And honestly, so am I.”

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”

“If you catch me talking in my sleep, your conversation bored me.”

“Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face.”