“My last name should be “Why,” because it is my destiny to question everything, including how to change my last name to one of the shortest questions and the question of all questions.”

“Question for your life: If you could change War’s name, do you think you’d change its nature?”

“I don't like questions at all if they are anything like how I like my mashed potatoes: loaded.”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”

“If somebody offered me Cyanide, my only question would be, Is it organic? Because organic is always the healthier option.”

“If silence is the admission of guilt, then she must be really guilty, because last night I asked her a question and instead of answering, she went to sleep for eight hours.”

“I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover.”