“My life outlook isn’t cloudy. That’s just the weather report for the rest of my life.”

“There is until there isn’t. That’s just the way it is. Until it isn’t.”

“The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my clones.”

“In my life I haven’t done anything worth writing about, but that’s OK. That’s why I write fiction.”

“When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced and biased.
”

“On cloudy days I just want to raise my arm up, stand on my toes, and screw a light bulb into the sky. Don’t worry, my light bulb is energy efficient—it runs on solar power.”

“There’s cat feces in my Batman costume, and all the lines in my screenplay were snorted by the neighborhood cokehead. Ah, but that’s life, no?”