“My list of chores is a little too important to include in my list of life’s goals.”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“I’m putting the word “Don’t” on my To Do list.
”

“I can scratch “scratch myself” off my list of things to do.”

“On any job application I ever do, if they want my references, I always list the Bible.”

“I didn’t list listening as one of my skills, probably because I didn’t hear what the interviewer asked.”

“The list of women he’s slept with is longer than his penis. The list is three inches long.”