“My love for you is shaped like a left foot. And if you pulled my love out of your ass you’d know that.”

“My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?”

“Time flows like a canoe floats, and my love would fit in your purse if you’d just empty your money into my wallet.”

“Eyes are shaped like leaves, mouths are shaped like leaves, and goodbyes are shaped like leaves. But my love, that is shaped like a tree.”

“My love is a flower shaped like a snowflake. It won’t melt, so perhaps ice cream should be made out of it.”

“Pulling your head out of your ass is better than pulling your head out of a lawyer’s ass. (Limit one coupon per customer).”

“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.” Love is much more than that. Love is also a logo. I know, because I have it tattooed on my ass.”