“My love is like hooray! Special terms and conditions may apply. See dealer for details. Coupon not valid with any other offer.”

“I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is one for the price of two only.”

“My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high from every transaction.”

“I have a rating system I apply to all people. Mao Zedong might have a Meow Factor of four, but I like to keep my Meow Factor as close to zero as I can. This system is not to be confused with my HV methodology, where I assign myself a Hooray Value of five.”

“Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only.”

“Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price.”

“I have assigned myself a Hooray Factor of five. This is the top level, and is the only level that has a physical representation—that of a high five. But don’t try to give me a high five, because I’m the only person in the world with a Hooray Factor of five. So until my clones get here, I’ll just have to continue to high five my reflection in the mirror.”