“My math is so fuzzy you should pet it. Four minus two isn’t two, because between two and four minus two is an infinite number of numbers.”

“Put the number seven in front of a mirror and what do you have? If you answered 77, then perhaps you talk to yourself in the mirror, and wait for a response from your reflection. Seven standing in front of a mirror equals seven. Two plus two equals yes. Two minus two equals maybe. And yes minus maybe equals four.”

“What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two.”

“If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The other thing is, of course, two. That makes the one thing love, because two is the smallest number you can have to get the one.”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“I make love like a half an hour minus 27 minutes. If you’re as bad in bed as I am in math, that’s roughly four minutes. And I do mean rough.”

“We talked for four hours. Well, I talked for four, and she listened for two.
”