“My mother-in-law got so angry at me she vowed she’d never speak to me again, and I smiled and gave thanks for the little miracle God worked in my life.”

“She told me she’d never forget me as long as she lived, and I got offended, because what, as soon as she dies I’m forgotten? Gee, thanks. I see how much I mean to her.”

“My mom gave me life, so I gave her batteries. AA batteries.”

“When she offered me a spot of tea, I said, “No thanks, I’ve already got a spot of tea on my shirt.”

“Yes, life could be better. But it could also be worse. Don’t believe me? Allow me introduce you to my mother-in-law.”

“Growing up, my parents never gave me as much as I wanted for my birthday. For example, one year I wanted a yo-yo, and they ended up giving me some wound up string. Gee, thanks, mom.”

“My grandmother got approved right before the law changed, so naturally she got grandfathered in. In related news, but completely unrelated, I was adopted.”