“My name is a half an hour early, but my body is on time.”

“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m also always half in love, from my waist down.”

“I want to go to sleep in my time machine and wake up eight hours in the future.”

“As early as 1,000 BC, man had to wait nearly 3,000 years to talk to me. And my first words to the world right out of the womb were: “Love is timeless, but man is not. I think I’m early.” It’s true. I was a premature baby. I was born generations before my time.”

“I’ve spent half my life searching for the truth. The left half of my life.”

“My name is my reputation. And all I have in this world is my name. Well, and my penis, which shoots out millions of other names.”

“It’s not uncommon for me to be early to meetings by as much as a half a gallon. I guess the reason I am so punctual is because I have a very fluid concept of time.”