“My penis’ name is Pride. Pride is something every woman should be filled with.”

“I have pride in my name, because I have pride in myself. I do not represent my name—my name represents me.”

“My name is my reputation. And all I have in this world is my name. Well, and my penis, which shoots out millions of other names.”

“I knew a woman named Hope once, and boy did she fill me with her first name.”

“Handcuffs barely wrap around the girth of my penis. I should run for Congress.”

“My penis burns. I guess I should stop trying to put out forest fires with it.”

“Take pride in your workweek, not your weak work.”