“My penis, when inflated, does not qualify as a flotation device, no matter how much it tastes like the navy.”

“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it.
”

“I can’t swim, because despite my love being shaped like Michael Phelps, it’s so heavy it’s like an anti flotation device. If I can barely even carry it, I can understand how it’s a burden to you and why you don’t want to keep it in your heart.”

“How big is my penis? Big enough to touch my hands.”

“Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon.”

“It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?”

“I enjoy the small things in life. Like my penis.”