“My rule of thumb for hitchhiking is: stick it up straight and proud and make if visible to all drivers.”

“If I were to hold up a bank with my index finger and my thumb as the “gun,” then I hope I wouldn’t try to use half my weapon to hitchhike my escape from the police.”

“I plugged the hole up with my thumb, so at least I wouldn’t sink. But it was really uncomfortable floating on that lake with my thumb up my ass.”

“And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.”

“Do not oppose my opposable thumbs. If you do, we’ll have a thumb war.”

“I call my thumb Napoleon, because I rarely ever lose a thumb war. Also because my thumb's so small, and I wear a tiny funny hat and cape on it.”

“I’m creative, I make up almost everything. But with all my creativity, I couldn’t make up with my wife.”