“My two parents represent the single greatest influence on my life. And if my dad had been there for me, it would be the double greatest influence on my life.”

“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a brick may be dumb, but at least it isn’t dumb and interfering in its absence. By not being a part of my life, my dad became a big part of my life, because my thoughts were influenced by his image and infused with fantasy as I attempted to alter the reality that he wanted little to do with me. And what else would you call not wanting to be a part of your son’s life but dumb? So this Father’s Day, I’m drinking to the dad I never had—a brick. 
”

“Will I be subtly influenced by what my clone says, or by my own subconscious? Will my thoughts really be mine, or will they be mine—the other me?”

“I’ll insist my competitor is the greatest, so that when I beat him, I won’t be calling myself the greatest—I’ll be proving it through my actions.
”

“My dad always used to tell me __________________. My dad never told me anything. He had nothing to say, and even less to say to me.”

“I like to use my influence for good, rather than evil. And in this case, the good is a free meal at a swanky restaurant. But I don’t have much influence, as you could tell if you saw the meal I was just given: two packets of saltine crackers and a glass of water (ice not included).”

“The day my dad left my mom and I was the second saddest day of my life. The saddest day was the next day, when he returned home.
”