“My uncle's a big drinker. In fact, he just got a liver transplant. They replaced it with a bottle of whiskey.”

“A brick could be surgically inserted in the chest of a man who needs a heart transplant. And for just $20,000 more dollars, that brick could be replaced with a new heart.
”

“I’m a competitor. I once placed fifth in a bottle of whiskey.”

“My uncle missed the sixties. Not because he was too young. He just simply slept through them.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.”

“I got my windshield replaced for no apparent reason. So now I have a new windshield that looks exactly like my old one, only cleaner.”

“Birthdays, like women named Bertha, are not named after great Aunt Natalie. But you, Natalie, just might be. I’m named after my uncle Birthday, who never had one since he died in the womb.”