“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.”

“At first I thought my wife and I were made for each other. It was as if we came out of the same factory. I think we were made in the USA, because things quickly began falling apart.”

“I’m creative, I make up almost everything. But with all my creativity, I couldn’t make up with my wife.”

“Sometimes I still get the urge to stuff asparagus up my nostrils, even though I don't like the way it makes my pee smell.”

“I ran over a dog last night on my way home, and then I wondered what my wife had made for dinner. The two events are disappointingly not connected. Ah, but that’s life, no?”

“She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box of toothpicks.”

“My wife loves me for me, and hates me for her.”