“My wife loves me for me, and hates me for her.”

“To me, love is either a pebble, a rock, or a boulder. Or a grain of sand, if you’re trying to measure the love my ex wife had for me.”

“My wife loves window shopping. As for me, I’m more into curtains.”

“The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.”

“Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.”

“My wife must be stupid. I mean, look, she married me, didn’t she?”

“If somebody tells me and my wife to get a room, I always ask, How about the kitchen?”