“No matter how hard I try, I can’t grow facial hair on my chest.”

“My facial hair is imperative. I put the must in mustache.”

“I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.”

“I have hair on my chest. And it’s purring.”

“At the gun range I can’t hit the paper bull’s eye, no matter how carefully I aim at my wife.”

“If my chest grew cat hair, I wouldn’t know whether to pluck it or pet it.”

“Being in the womb was like taking a nine-month bath. I wanted to take a shower, but no matter how hard I kicked, or how loud I screamed, my mom wouldn’t listen.”