“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“I have a list of people to kill. All but number 33 are my clones. Who’s number 33? Why you are, of course.”

“I can scratch “scratch myself” off my list of things to do.”

“Most people have a list of 100 books to read before they die, or 100 places to visit. Not me. I have a list of 100 birthdays to see. No need to write them down, they're simply 50 through 150. Another list of mine is 100 people to meet before I die who look exactly like me, thanks to the miracle of cloning.”

“My list of chores is a little too important to include in my list of life’s goals.”

“I’m putting the word “Don’t” on my To Do list.
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“My math is so fuzzy you should pet it. Four minus two isn’t two, because between two and four minus two is an infinite number of numbers.”