“Of all the pessimistic people, I am the most optimistic. I look forward to looking down on all the people looking up to me for answers from below.”

“We all wear uniforms, even if we’re conforming to unconformity. People who try so hard to look different end up looking the same as all the other people who try so hard to look different.”

“Some people say I look like my mom, while others say I look more like my dad. I guess it all depends on what I’m wearing.”

“People think I’m all gloom and doom all the time. I’m not. I also have bad days where I’m pessimistic.”

“Most people have a list of 100 books to read before they die, or 100 places to visit. Not me. I have a list of 100 birthdays to see. No need to write them down, they're simply 50 through 150. Another list of mine is 100 people to meet before I die who look exactly like me, thanks to the miracle of cloning.”

“Black clothing makes me look skinnier. If I wear all black at night, and turn out the lights, I look so skinny that I disappear.”

“I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller.”