“Of all the smiths from goldsmiths to John Smiths, the most powerful is the wordsmith, because he can influence your emotions and cognitions. And while you are standing there pondering what he said, he can rob you of your gold and your identity.”

“It’s not what you wear that sets you apart from your fellow man, but what you don’t wear. I don’t wear pants, for instance, and while you’re pondering that, take a moment to gaze at my penis.”

“The coolest way to be cool is to be yourself, because nobody can be you but you. Well, aside from your clone.
”

“If you only had 48 hours left to live, would you spend it like you normally spend your weekends? If not, why spend 2/7th of your life wasting your free time? After all, free time isn’t free. Free time is the most expensive time you have, because nobody pays for it but you. But that also makes it the most valuable time you have, as you alone stand to reap the profits from spending it wisely.”

“How many birthdays can you fit in your lifetime? If you answered "All of them," you should have your genitals ripped out from underneath your father's pillowcase.”

“I may not be able to remember your name, but I remember your address and what time you leave in the mornings. Your name isn’t Rob, is it?”

“Looking at you in a mirror makes you more of an ally than an opponent, because I’m standing next to you, rather than across from you. In fact, you are across from you, so you are your own opponent. And I’ll gladly stand by your side and help you defeat yourself.”