“Of all things possible, the impossible is the only one worth skipping sex for.”

“It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”

“In LaLa Land, there is only one kind of sex that's logical. In a made-up land, such as LaLa Land, the citizens are forever engaging in make-up sex.”

“Thirteen of us ate supper, and then one of us died. Unfortunately, he did not rise from the dead to pay his dinner bill. And he wasn’t the only one to skip out without paying, but surely one of the eleven graciously paid for me.”

“The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating.”

“My mom is all about risk vs. reward. So for example, if I were to go out on a date and have unprotected sex, the risk/reward would be possible STD for me vs. possible grandchild for her. Duh! Bring on the grandchildren!
”

“Only cowards never tire of cowering. I try to milk the cower for all it’s worth.”