“On any job application I ever do, if they want my references, I always list the Bible.”

“I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.”

“If I had a clone, I could list myself as a character reference.”

“Number one on my list of things to do before I die is become immortal. Obviously there is no number two on my list.”

“I can’t do my job, if you don’t do yours. I also can’t do my job, so can you do mine too?”

“I can scratch “scratch myself” off my list of things to do.”

“I’ll tell him this isn’t just a job to me, it’s a career, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I’ll surely never take for granted. Will I work nights, weekends, and holidays? There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to do more. Am I OK with making $8.50/hr and no benefits? $8.50?! That’s exactly my desired pay, and I’ll be so grateful and content with it that I’ll never, ever ask for a raise.”