“On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.”

“She had a picture of a llama, so under it I wrote, “I didn’t know you knew my brother.”

“My father went AWOL the day I got dishonorably discharged from his penis.
”

“If I shake your hand, will I get my fingerprints all over your fingertips? I hope not. Otherwise the crime scene, and the shaft of my penis, is riddled with my fingerprints.”

“My erection at noon causes an elongated shadow so black you’d think I was an albino.”

“The girl of my dreams got married to someone else. But that’s OK. I don’t need her beside me to keep her locked in the dungeon of my heart.”

“I belong, and my penis, it be long.”