“On the card I wrote, “Thinking of you,” and the picture was of my erect penis. I hope my local congressman got it OK.”

“He Wrote, Are you OK?I told him, My eyes are crummy.He wrote, But are you OK?I told him, That's a very complicated question.He wrote, That's a very simple answer.I asked, Are you OK?He wrote, Some mornings I wake up feeling grateful.”

“I was a professor of penis, a connoisseur of cock, a devotee of dick, an epicure of erections. I had made it my life’s work to worship the male member. And what a member this one was.”

“She had a picture of a llama, so under it I wrote, “I didn’t know you knew my brother.”

“When I got [my] library card, that was when my life began.”

“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.” Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”