“On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.”

“Love is a tomato. And while it's true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup.”

“If love were a variety of dog, I’d want mine hot. I’d take my love with ketchup and mustard.”

“She took off her red pants, the shade of ketchup, to reveal softly tanned legs, like two French fries. But when she brought up price, I knew she was too good to be true. She was definitely NOT off the dollar menu.”

“I just broke up with my girlfriend. My wife will be pleased. But first she’ll be displeased, because she didn’t know I had a girlfriend.”

“My ex girlfriend was exquisite, and my current one is quisite.”

“Get off the scale, and get out of my weigh.”