“One of my hobbies is reading finance and economic books—at the strip club, where I “invest” my money.”

“A whisper is the shadow of a shout, and I keep a few in my wallet to use at the strip club on rainy nights.”

“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.”

“I found Waldo. He was in a strip club. He was hard to spot, because he’d already stripped off his red and white striped sweater and was all sweaty.”

“Employment: I’ll trade my time and labor for your money. So time is not money, because money is time plus labor. I spend my time saving money, I spend my money saving time, and I labor hard to not labor hard.”

“My first inclination is to make my business all about me, but my second instinct is to make my business all about everyone else, because everyone else is where all the money is at.”

“I hope you enjoy reading my book as much as I didn’t enjoy writing it. Just kidding! I hope you don’t enjoy it at all.”