“Only a friend or a giraffe would stick his neck out for you. But only a giraffe would eat all the leaves off your tree so he could peek in your second story bedroom window.”

“The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.”

“As a balloon expands, so too does my love for you with each passing day. To know how I truly feel about you, look no further than the balloon giraffe.”

“I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be allowed to marry. Or have sex. And maybe not even engage in necking, unless it’s a man and a giraffe.”

“If I had a necklace made out of tiny suns, I’d only wear it at night when you could really see it. Sadly, I don’t have a necklace like that. The closest thing I have is a necklace made out of those glow in the dark stars you stick to bedroom ceilings. But I only wear that on special occasions, like bedtime. 
”

“I walk like a shriveled hippopotamus, I jog like a giraffe with charcoal knees, and I run like never.”

“I think good advice for a father to give to his only son would be, "Don't make the same mistake I made with your mother. Remember to pull out.”