“Only cowards never tire of cowering. I try to milk the cower for all it’s worth.”

“My love is like a crumbly cookie. It’s very hard to give all of it to just one person. Try as I might to give it all to just one woman, crumbs break off here and there in meaningless crushes and kisses and—but what am I saying? Baby, you know you’re the only one I’ve given my cookie to. Can I get you a tall glass of milk?”

“I’m 32 years old and I’m tired. It’s because I haven’t drank enough coffee. If I had, I’d probably only be 29.”

“My rural erection didn’t impress the people in town, but I did have all the dairy farmers lining up to try to milk it.”

“I’d rather fail to try than try and fail. But, then, I am a coward who votes with my wallet, which is always empty.”

“The canvas isn’t empty. It’s full of whatever you imagine it to be full of. My art is so conceptual that not only do I not tell, but I don’t even show. All I do is sign the canvas and try to sell it.”

“It’s not that the risk isn’t worth the reward, it’s that the reward isn’t worth as much as another reward, which also has a lesser risk.”