“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!
”

“People always see me writing and ask me if they can read my writing. The answer is yes, after I publish it and they pay for it.”

“No matter what I see, I always think, “They just don’t make them like they used to.” Well, except for kids. People still make children the way they always have, though I am working on a product that’ll make the process 100% more efficient. It’ll work by eliminating 50% of the people required to make one kid. My target market will be asexuals.”

“A Cyclops on a unicycle juggling three giant eyeballs couldn’t compare to the balanced vision my writing presents. In fact, noted linguist and translation expert Dora J. Arod had these flattering words to say about my writing: “I wouldn’t read Jarod’s writing—not even if he paid me to read it. And he does pay me to read his writing, but that doesn’t mean I do.” Of course the quote continued on, but that was the only part that was praising.”

“I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.”

“When I can’t write I read. When I can’t read I sleep. And when I can’t sleep I write.”

“Some people work to live, and other people live to work. Then some people, like me, are both unemployed and alive (at least at the time of this writing).
”